"But I guess we just deal with it how it comes, deal with the humps, take the jumps..."

Empty lot with the snow swirled as wind did it
the bokeh of streetlights when I
let my eyes slide out of focus.
I tap my forehead against the screen.
After every car that pauses at the intersection,
there is without a gap another one with exactly the same cadence:
pull up, pause, drive through.
I am pleased to have this old sweater held
together by ugly stitches
less so to have the same done to me.

***

I am tired. Not just "I need to sleep more" tired, but "want to collapse on the sidewalk, forget everything, and fall into a headphones coma" tired. I'm discouraged to have a paper to write, to not be able to find a copy of Nicomachean Ethics when I need it, to be going back to therapy yet again. My heart could use some rest, but I guess that's what it was getting for much of the last year.

Insisting and listening and waving farewell to my idea that I Have It Together. I'm okay and I will keep being okay, but also? A messy girl with a messy heart, still. It's okay; I'm okay; it'll be okay.

Soundtrack: First Aid Kit, Crystal Castles, and The Middle East.

I will end with a wish for you other tired people, that you will rest well tonight and that tomorrow will bring some things to put some light back in your heart.