Sadness vs. depression

Sadness surprises me. It is unfamiliar. I have been anxious, angry, and mildly to severely depressed over the past four or five years, but rarely just sad.

I became insensible to sadness during the Year of Depression and the Year of Joy, or I forgot about it — and when I felt it again, I didn't recognize it. It bewildered me. I tried to chase it away at first, worried that it could bring a relapse into depression.

But depression and sadness are different. Not even related, really. Sadness has a more translucent feeling to it. It does not wall you into yourself. It passes. It needn't hurt less than depression, but it hurts differently, less unnaturally: it is not the pain of being constantly attacked by your own thoughts.

Not a numb, solid weight, but a slick of grief. Maybe tears. It can be borne without alcohol or starvation or antidepressants. The warmth and scent of tea, even swallowed alone in the dark, bring comfort.