I'm sitting in bed. Cold rooibos tea in a glass. Thinking about other people's kitchens.
Supermarkets, airports, and other people's kitchens can make me feel like I am still sick. It frustrates me. The getting stuck staring at fridges and pantries and shelves and menus, getting stuck walking circles (nothing's right, none of these are it...), getting more overwhelmed by the choices and the false sense of weightiness to the decision as I get hungrier. It's 2013; I haven't had a relapse in a while; though it is a little harder lately my ambivalence towards eating is mostly resolved — I want to live my life, you know, and I like how I look with some light in my eyes — but the practical things can still occasionally be tricky. I tell myself: let this be simple. Just choose something. Don't let it take more than [x] minutes to decide...
Needing work, taking hairspray naps and poetry naps. Sylvia Plath today. I've never liked her poetry all that much...but just letting myself flip through her collected poems, I think she could grow on me.
♥
ReplyDeletei never liked sylvia plath either, but i do like her bit about eating men... (;
ah, i feel for you, my darling. keep heart, you are strong..... (which reminds me, i've been thinking about re-releasing TTaT and our "better body image book" lately/soon, anyway..... i should get on that.)
what is a hairspray nap, perchance...?
ending with another heart. ♥ mwah, baby! ;) xx
"I like how I look with some light in my eyes"
ReplyDeleteGood good good. That you know this, that you can see the difference in yourself, even if the feeling of it doesn't always stay.
It's one reason why I think it's good to study photos of yourself. Lay them out side by side. Over time, your story is all in your eyes.
I bought a book of Sylvia Plath poems last year. I haven't finished it yet, though you've reminded me to read a couple before bed. I like her intensity but sometimes her writing feels spiky.
And yes, hairspray nap? It could be the kind of nap that is so thorough it means you need hairspray to fix yourself afterwards. Or lying down in grass with your pearls and teased hair.