Things that are making me happy

homemade birthday cake.

listening to my Belle-made mix while I walk The Puppy and drive to/from class.

short bangs.

discovering awesome blogs.

truly excellent customer service. [see chinacherie on Etsy and the Lomography store]

electric kettles.

wearing a big tulle petticoat out.

spy movies [hem, Salt was good].

finger paint.

moments when I can see a sharp now-then contrast in the way I deal with stress and other negative emotions.

anticipating swimming in the ocean.

voicemail.

this:

Even though that evil voice in my head – which is, not coincidentally, male and hisses like Hanibal Lecter – is telling me this [falling prey to the beauty myth] makes me a bad feminist, it simply means that I, like most women and some men, can still succumb to society’s false paradigm that beauty and worth are correlated. It reminded me how invaluable feminism’s campaign for real beauty standards is because I never want another woman to feel the way I did during that shoot.

It was also a reminder that, even if people are calling me a role model, or perhaps especially so, I’m still very much in the process of birthing myself into the woman I want to be and stripping away the layers of myself that have been torn and scarred by sexism and oppression and personal pain. It’s an excruciating process at times, but a necessary one.

In this case, I’m vowing to do some reading on feminism and body image – suggestions in the comments appreciated! – and feed and exercise my body in a manner so that it’s healthier, if not smaller. I’m going to consciously banish that creepy, self-hating voice from my head and ask myself each time I want to succumb to it’s lull if I would say to a fellow woman such awful things.

After all, it wouldn’t do the movement any good if I or anyone else waits to do radical social justice work until we’re “feminist enough,” unblemished, for public consumption. I don’t believe my sisters will be put off by my scars and scrapes but instead will see them and be more able to see, accept, and heal their own.

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